It took me nearly 4 weeks and 4 body sessions to get me back to full range of motion.  I found myself back at the doctor’s office on Monday the 7th for a follow-up which meant a few injections, compression stockings again and no aerobic or strength training for another week.  I was a mess.  The tears, the anger, the inability to see the long term possibilities of this procedure.  Whose idea was this anyway?  Had the veins hurt me that much?  Am I the only one that feels this way when the body is “invaded?”

And then this morning it hit me.  I cry in the sadness of the disconnect.  I cry knowing I’ve been knocked out of my body again.  And after all the work I’ve done – especially these past three years (Somatic Experience Training and the Schenk Work with the energy body and physical body), I realize I yearn for the continuous connection when chaos and drama used to be the norm in my body. 

I yearn for my whole.  I yearn for the peace and stillness.  I yearn for the safety.  And I have yet to learn that there are times when you must disconnect – especially in procedures – so the physical body can be healed.  Now I have to embrace and respect that process. 

It’s time to move on.  I’ve written about it, complained about it, been very angry about it, have not seen the “good” in it and have viewed the entire process as one big annoyance.  As I come to this conclusion this morning, I have nearly the full process to absorb and integrate.  And so be it.  I’m stepping out of the complaining and wrapping myself around the lessons. 

On with the new year…on with my life.

Happy New Year!  May you truly love and respect your health.