Truth be told, I don’t sit well in the silence.
You?
I’m talking about the no cell phone, no book, no television, no writing, no nothing, kind of silence. The silence that can be deafening.
It’s been an ongoing skill I’ve been trying to master. I marvel at a few of my colleagues who seem to be downright cozy in the silence. But the need to fill the space with something – translate to “get something done” – has always been my way of being, until last week.
During our time to Florida for my father’s 85th birthday, I found myself sitting alone with him on the front porch. I got up to do the lunch dishes because I thought I “should.” When I went in the house, David said,. “Go sit with your father. I’ll do the dishes.” GULP.
And there I was – sitting with my father in the silence – admiring the day. The smell of the sun lotion on my skin, the breeze blowing gently across my face, the bright green palm fronds swaying overhead, the clear blue sky and billowy clouds.
And the emotions nearly overwhelmed me.
The beauty of the moment – something so intangible – filled my heart in a way I hadn’t known before. He is a kind, gentle, loving, funny, caring guy. I know that. I feel that. And nothing needed to be said.
With our busy world and the ongoing chaos and instability, sitting in the silence is needed
more than ever before. I know this. I teach this. But when it gets right down to it, I’d much rather drown the chaos and emotions in an episode of Blue Bloods any evening.
Sitting in the silence takes courage.
That moment with my father on the front porch will remain with me forever. Something I can now sit down in deeply – almost snuggle into the silence – because there was a shift in my entire being from that feeling of just being in the silence.
There’s nothing wrong with an episode of Blue Bloods or your choice of escape. But I am slowly learning that the greatest rewards come from sitting in the silence.
I wish you peace and strength as you sit in the silence.
